ABOUT ME: ah. if i met myself i’d think i was total idiot. so i’m not gonna tell you about me. instead i will give you my guide to on How To Dance:
- find your people, find a place. anywhere will do as long as the music is LOUD. you want to feel it in your kidneys, not your ears.
- beginners: the booty is where it’s at. do your duty to your booty.
- if you’re not feeling the music yet, drink more. booze exists to help you dance to music you don’t really like.
- if you’re not sweating, you’re doing it wrong. shake it like you hate it.
- spill your drink. it’s ok! it’s also ok to spill other people’s drinks. a wet dancefloor increases dancing options and helps you pretend you are in a Jay Z video.
- it’s ok if other people laugh at your dancing. it means you have your own style - do not abandon it. it will eventually blossom into something unique and powerful. awesome moves are the best revenge. move closer to the speaker and drink more.
- strive to be Ridiculous but try not to be Ironic. ironic dancing can very quickly become your actual dancing. this is not a crisis, but… come on hotstuff, you’re better than that.
- take drugs and encourage your friends to do the same, especially the shy ones.
- while you are dancing you may want to tell people stuff. that’s OK. grab a stranger and let it out. the dancefloor is a holy place and you are speaking in tongues.
- if you fall over, it’s OK. look around. you might find money or drugs or a new friend for life down there.
- don’t dance to try to be sexy. if you have followed the above rules you ARE sexy. in dancing, as with many things, enthusiasm is more important than technique.
- don’t fucking stop. keep going louder harder faster till you are nothing and all you can feel is noise. submit to the music – that is what you came here for. no fucking human being can make you forget yourself like that. surrender to be free.
- if you puke down yourself, it’s over. go home.
er… guess that’s it. i really have no idea what i’m saying… but i think i just found a whole new deeper level of shallowness. anyway. see you on the floor.